Thy Will Has Been Done

Journal entry by Karen Broadhurst—Jul 16, 2018

But God.

You are good, even when we don't understand your ways. I cringe every time I think about how the doctors initially portrayed this journey. "6-8 months of very aggressive chemotherapy and Blake should be able to be cancer free. It's going to be very tough to beat, but we think you can."

Your son has a very aggressive cancer. Day 1.

Your son has an aggressive cancer pretty much everywhere in his body. Blake's words, "Mom, I lit up like a Christmas tree with cancer!" Day 4.

Your son is not handling chemotherapy and we need to stop. Day 16.

Your son stopped breathing and needed CPR, needs to be on a ventilator and sedated for a few days. Day 31.

Your son will need to be ventilated and sedated for at least a week.  Day 32.

Your son is not going to survive this. Day 36.

Your son doesn't have much time left. Day 43.

Today is day 49.   

Preston and I prayed with Blake for hours today, talked to him about good old days, laughed a bit about his silly moments in life. We kissed him, rubbed his face, hands, his feet, and wrapped our arms around his. We kept telling him about how brave he's been, that we'd take care of his siblings and other loved ones, that we'd be "okay", that we would never forget him. I didn't shed one single tear even knowing that his time was nearing an end. I told him I'd be brave because of how brave he had been.

After a few moments, I glanced up from being nestled into his neck and knew that something was different. Oh did the tears run then. The doctor didn't have to say it, but she did. She whispered the words no mom on earth should ever hear.

He's gone. He's gone.

Oh God, my heart is aching more than what is even bearable. Take this sorrow.
I know this to be true, my Blake is not gone. I didn't lose him. He's safe in Your arms. For the first time in his life, he's alive. He's alive. He's alive. He is in the arms of His Savior, His Father. He has no more pain. I have no words of encouragement right now, nothing that will sooth the breaking of everyone's hearts. But these things I know: God's timing is always perfect. His ways are always good. His will is always done. He is always faithful. He will never leave. I know these things to be true and will cling to His word all of my days.

Blake has changed my life. He will forever be my son. As long as I have breath, I will share of his life. Tell of who he was. The lives that he brought together. The people who will never be the same because he was. I will make his life count. And I will continue his voice.

Thank you for living beside us through these last 7 weeks. We were only able to walk this walk because of our Father in Heaven and because of His people...YOU. If you've been praying with us through this journey, may you put your trust in the Life Giver. In His goodness. In His promises.

To God be the glory forever and ever. His will has been done.

But God. You are not finished working in me.

Matters of Praise:

Blake is in the arms of Jesus

Matters of Prayer:

Walking life without Blake